“I should have read it much more slowly and I must re-read it many times- Gide and I have attained such perfect intellectual communion that I experience the appropriate labor pains for every thought he gives birth to” (Excerpt from Susan Sontag: Reborn, Journals & Notebooks by David Reiff). We’re dating; somewhat being in a relationship with my work. Lately I have been working with a certain goal in mind; to find a connection with my work that will drive me crazy. At this moment in time, I am at the early stages of the relationship. I’m nervous; I shy away from it quite often and occasionally even disown it if I don’t know how to handle “it” and myself simultaneously. The anxious tears, the hesitant smiles and the uncontrollable odd smiles are emotions that seem to be running in a continuous loop through me. With these constant emotions and feelings within me, and the strange idea of entering into a relationship with a somewhat intangible thing, has sparked a strong interest in understanding how to live and breathe through this; and making a permanent spot for me within it.
The idea of reaching “intellectual communion” with my work has been on my mind a good bit lately. After I read that short passage from Sontag’s journal explaining her experience with Gide and his writing, I have found myself applying that statement to many parts of my life; and then questioning its existence. I can relate my relationship with my work to many relationships in my life. The uncontrollable hives that exist on my epidermis at specific times when I'm either feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed, occur both when with my work and when in social scenarios. These instances are a definite personal signifier for me when assessing what can "get under my skin" and affect me the most. However, simultaneously, I then realize that the subject matter caused this outer reaction is something that I have personal feelings about and feel very close to.
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