Still From Shoot # 4
Still From Shoot # 4
Still From Shoot # 4
Still From Shoot # 4
Still From Shoot # 4
The may not be saying it, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking it. Last week in my idea blog I spoke about how I was expecting to be snickered at and ridiculed while doing my performance in front of people at this field in my neighborhood. That day I felt as though I was invisible. Yesterday during my performance that took place at a basketball court in Huguenot Park, I felt the presence of my audience throughout the entire performance. I am not sure why this time was different than last weekends other than my age groups were different. This time I had three young kids to my right (under the age of 10) and then three older guys (between ages 25-35) directly behind me. The second age group did not pay much to any attention to me however with the younger age group I felt some strange elitist vibes coming from then. Upon getting to the basketball court, the younger boy had knocked the ball out of bounds and I grabbed it and tossed it his way initially establishing some sort of friendly relationship with one of my audience members. Because these performances I am acting as other and taking on a different persona I am usually pretty aware of how I am being interpreted and mentally taking notes of how I am looked at as this person. My audience knows that I am in costume and am not actually this person however, I wonder if they want to treat me differently because I am acting as other. Throughout this performance, I was able to put away the jittery feelings that I had from my last shoot and actually focus on the instructions from the line dance that I was performing to. I found myself getting into my music and my motions and thinking to myself how would a true Native American perform this dance differently from me to keep encouraging me to try different ways to dance. I have found that there are several different ways to carry myself and with each person I become for that performance, I attempt to act in a manner similar to my character.
At the end of my performance, I packed up my tripod and as I started walking away I felt inclined to thank my audience for their presence and cooperation. First mistake: do not confront my audience when they are my audience involuntarily. I glanced at the father playing basketball with his three young boys and simply thanked him. He looked over at me as if I had several socially unacceptable things about me. Immediately I felt this disgusted vibe float toward me and I went from being pleased with my performance to seeing clearer exactly what I am doing. The man I spoke to, one of the audience members, treated me as if I was “other”; a socially unaccepted “other”. It was perfect. I felt like a turtle that needed to crawl back into my shell with the exception that I could not do that until I walked all the way back to my car. I got into my car feeling strangely upset and satisfied simultaneously. This may be the first time I have felt those two at the same time and it was a strange combination.
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